their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
