On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
