I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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