I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
