Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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