thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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