I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
