dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
