I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize