the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize