My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
