Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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