he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
