you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
