This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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