Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
