So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
