The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
