What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
