I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
