I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
