i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
