all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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