if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
