Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize