I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
