Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
