I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
