Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
