There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
