I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
