I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
