She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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