Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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