i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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