Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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