What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
