Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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