Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
