i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
