Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
