I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
