I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
