You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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