a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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