I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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