kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
