Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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