I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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