is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
not ubering you a puppy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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