apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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