do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
