She is in my trunk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
