i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize