The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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