I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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