remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize
