i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
