I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
a search helicopter?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
