you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
