The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
