i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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