sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
being pregnant is like rehab
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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