Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
