i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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