he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
