Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
