I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
